New & Improved Leonard Cohen Lyrics

ghostlyricistcard

Leonard Cohen Consultation Proposal

To: Leonard Cohen Business Management Team
From: DrHGuy, Ghost Lyricist
Re: Improving Leonard Cohen’s Lyrics To  Increase Gross Revenues and Enhance Return On Investment

First, I want to clarify that  it’s not that I’m saying there’s anything wrong with Mr. Cohen’s lyrics. I’ve gone through all of his songs, and some are, in fact, quite – uh, well, … remarkable. Yes, that’s what they are, remarkable.

But, with all respect, we have to ask, “Are these songs reaching their full potential ROI-wise?”

After all, I’m told, that Mr. Cohen is known for working on his  lyrics for long periods, sometimes revising a song over a period of years. Surely, he and his business representatives want to maximize the rewards earned by those efforts.

That’s where I come in. As a Lyrics Revisions Consultant,1 I show songwriters – discreetly, of course – variations on their lyrics that can extend their utility which, in turn, increases the earning power of those works. And if those revisions also happen to aesthetically improve the originals, then everybody wins, don’t we?

Proof of Concept Demonstration

Mr. Cohen has, I understand, experienced a financial setback because of a failed business relationship so I wouldn’t expect him to sign on without a demonstration of my skills. Consequently, as a sort of audition, I’ve taken a handful of his more well-known lines and reworked them to enhance their income potential.

In this exercise, the rewritten lines may not precisely match the original  rhyme schemes and meter, but from the work I might or might not have done with Bob Dylan but  cannot disclose because of privacy restrictions, I can assure Mr. Cohen that it is possible to fit almost any number of syllables and sound sequences into any tune.

Revisions That Enhance Commercial Potential

Mr. Cohen’s work, I’m informed, is rarely used in commercials. Thankfully, this tragedy can be rectified by executing a few minor changes. Consider the following:

Original Leonard Cohen Lyrics:

There is a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in

Revised:

There is a crack in everything
That’s why you should buy the extended warranty package

fedoradivider

Original Leonard Cohen Lyrics:

I ache in the places where I used to play

Revised:

I ache in the places where I didn’t apply Ben-Gay

Continue Reading →

  1. Lyrics Revisions Consultant is the preferred name these days for Ghost Lyricist, which I still have on my business card because I’m old school. []

New & Improved: A 21st Century Modesty Cover For Leonard Cohen’s New Skin For The Old Ceremony

An Immediate Collector’s Item

Since publshing Leonard Cohen’s New Skin For The Old Ceremony: The Cover Art Cover-Up, the definitive examination of alternative cover art used in various countries to protect the public from the (nonexistent) genitals of the angelic figures adorning the front of Leonard Cohen’s New Skin For The Old Ceremony album, this site has posted actual modesty covers featuring third wings, surgically adjusted limbs, and photos of Leonard Cohen to hide the nasty bits of the original image shown below.

DrHGuy, in his never-ending quest to bring New & Improved versions of Mr Cohen’s merchandise to market, now contributes the updated (2008 to present) Cohenesque modesty cover on view atop this post for the next re-release of this album (click on images for best viewing).

The pertinent alteration is more easily seen in the closeup below.

You’re welcome.

For other New & Improved merchandise (shirts, caps, clocks, bobbleheads, & more), lyrics, concert formats … see Leonard Cohen – New & Improved

Note: Originally posted Apr 1, 2014 at 1HeckOfAGuy.com, a predecessor of Cohencentric

No-Smoking Alternative Album Covers For Leonard Cohen’s You Want It Darker

You Want It Darker – Original Cover

Since the first announcement of Leonard Cohen’s new album, You Want It Darker, there has been discussion about the cover art showing Leonard holding a cigarette. Even the album’s producer, Adam Cohen has weighed in, as has his dad, Leonard Cohen.

Now, Cohencentric offers, in addition to the already posted You Want It Healthier version, two more You Want It Darker alternative album covers.

First, for those who simply reject smoking altogether, there is Cohencentric’s now you see a cigarette, now you don’t model:

You Want It Darker
But Not So Smoky

notsosmokey

You Want It Darker no-smoking album cover

And, for those who prefer a more affirmative, stop-smoking approach approach, Cohencentric, in conjunction with the Nicotine Patch Manufacturers Alliance, is proud to open this treatment’s product placement campaign with a specialty cover of Mr Cohen’s album.

You Want It Darker
But Not So Smoky
And Covered By National Health Insurance

natlhealth

You Want It Darker nicotine patch album cover

You Want It Darker Nicotine Patch Album Cover Close-up View

natlhealthmak1

nicpatcharrow

You Want It Darker nicotine patch album cover close-up

New & Improved Leonard Cohen Merchandise – The Famous Blue Anorak

fambluana

Leonard Cohen “Feels So Good” Clothing Line Releases “Jackets From The Road”

While Cohencentric’s New & Improved Merchandise clothing products have previously been limited to concert apparel such as the “I Unified Heart Leonard Cohen” and “Leonard Cohen’s Back – 2010” shirts shown below, negotiations with the Leonard Cohen organization to extend the line to sportswear have resulted in the formation of the new Feels So Good by Leonard Cohen label.

The inspiration for “Jackets From The Road” foul weather gear, the  initial apparel items bearing the new label,  can be discerned from the code name for the effort – The Weybridge Project.

rain-stage

The Leonard Cohen Weybridge Concert

The Feels So Good Ad Campaign

Perceptive fans have been taken with “Feels So Good,” one of the songs introduced during the recent Tour. It can now be revealed that this number is the keystone of the Feels So Good by Leonard Cohen marketing strategy. Audiences can, in fact, expect more directly commercial versions although thus far Mr Cohen has resisted DrHGuy’s suggested opening lines:

Feels so good
Not to wear that other crap, …

New & Improved Leonard Cohen Merchandise

Information about the origin of the Cohencentric Leonard Cohen World Tour merchandising effort can be found at New & Improved Leonard Cohen Merchandise: The Heart With A Companion (Pacemaker) T-shirt. All New & Improved Leonard Cohen promotional items developed by Cohencentric can be found at

Credit Due Department: A tip of the Cohencentric fedora to Christine Roberts for discovering this image of the jacket-clad singer-songwriter icon and to Tim Dale for alerting Cohencentric to its mercantile potential. The Weybridge photo is the work of dorsetbays.

Note: Originally posted Aug 29, 2010 at 1HeckOfAGuy.com, a predecessor of Cohencentric

New & Improved Alternative Cover For Leonard Cohen’s You Want It Darker: You Want It Healthier

healthyx2

Because so many fans have been distressed by the cigarette in Leonard Cohen’s hand on the cover of his new album, You Want It Darker (shown below), Cohencentric now offers the New & Improved alternative cover, You Want It Healthier (shown above).

Update: Find out what Leonard Cohen thinks of this alternative album cover at Leonard Cohen Explains Cigarette He’s Holding On His You Want It Darker Album Cover

drk800