Vote For Leonard Cohen’s Funniest Song Lyrics



1. Vote for ONE selection
Each of the first 8 selections is nominated as an entire song. The remaining nominees are specific lyrics in a song. Those specific lyrics are listed under the poll at the bottom of this post.

2. Voting ends 11:59 PM March 16, 2018

Results will be announced beginning March 18, 2018.

For more information, see


This poll is no longer accepting votes



L1. Is This What You Wanted

… you were Marlon Brando
I was Steve McQueen
You were KY Jelly
I was Vaseline
You were the father of modern medicine
Yeah I was Mr. Clean
You were the Whore & the Beast of Babylon
I was Rin Tin Tin …

L2. On the Level

I was fighting with temptation
But I didn’t want to win
A man like me don’t like to see
Temptation caving in

L3. Almost Like The Blues

There’s torture and there’s killing
And there’s all my bad reviews
The war, the children missing
Lord, it’s almost like the blues

L4. Chelsea Hotel #2

You told me again you preferred handsome men
but for me you would make an exception.

L5. Democracy

I’m just staying home tonight,
getting lost in that hopeless little screen.
But I’m stubborn as those garbage bags
that Time cannot decay,
I’m junk but I’m still holding up
this little wild bouquet:

L6. Tonight Will Be Fine

You went right on loving
and I went on a fast
now I am too thin
and your love is too vast

L7. Memories

So won’t you let me see
I said “won’t you let me see”
I said “won’t you let me see
Your naked body?

L8. Everybody Knows

Everybody knows that you love me baby
Everybody knows that you really do
Everybody knows that you’ve been faithful
Ah give or take a night or two
Everybody knows you’ve been discreet
But there were so many people you just had to meet
Without your clothes
And everybody knows

L9. Different Sides

But frankly I don’t like your tone

L10. Different Sides

C’mon baby give me a kiss

L11. Going Home

I love to speak with Leonard,
He’s a sportsman and a shepherd,
He’s a lazy bastard living in a suit.

L12. Closing Time

And I swear it happened just like this
A sigh, a cry, a hungry kiss
The gates of love they budged an inch
I can’t say much has happened since

L13. Closing Time

She’s a hundred, but she’s wearing something tight

L14. Anyhow

I dreamed about you baby
You were wearing half your dress

L15. Anyhow

Have mercy on my baby
After all I did confess

L16. Anyhow

Aw, you told me things you’d like to do
Which I would not allow
But I’ve changed my mind and I’m tellin’ you
That I’d like to do them now

You say your lover
Keeps you busy
With his acrobatic moves
Hey, don’t call unless you miss me
I don’t need that kinda news

L17. That Don’t Make It Junk

I fought against the bottle,
But I had to do it drunk
Took my diamond to the pawnshop
But that don’t make it junk.
I know that I’m forgiven,
But I don’t know how I know
I don’t trust my inner feelings
Inner feelings come and go.

L18. I Can’t Forget

.. and I can’t forget,
I can’t forget,
I can’t forget,
I can’t forget,
but I don’t remember what

L19. I Can’t Forget

I’ll be there today with a big bouquet of cactus…

L20. The Future

Give me absolute control
over every living soul
And lie beside me, baby,
that’s an order!

L21. The Future

Take the only tree that’s left and stuff it up the hole in your culture

L22. Take This Waltz

In Vienna there’s ten pretty women




4 Replies to “Vote For Leonard Cohen’s Funniest Song Lyrics”

  1. Maayke Langelaar

    Our law of peace
    Which understands
    A husband leads
    A wife commands

    From never mind

  2. David Peloquin

    I fought against the bottle,
    But I had to do it drunk
    Took my diamond to the pawnshop
    But that don’t make it junk.

    Cosmic Zen humor! The album Ten New Songs can be experienced as ten dharma talks, most of which are serious to profound in nature.This song is the comic relief moment of the album: in Zen training, you struggle against delusion while still drinking the intoxicant that keeps you drunk. For more knee slapping Zen humor, explore the reference to “my diamond” and why it isn’t junk.

  3. Sidsel Bryde

    Ok- when it comes to laughing, I can’t help smile, thinking about how we all have our MEMORIES.
    So I vote for that to be a winner.
    Even on a Sunday.
    Rather before 4 PM.
    Else the memories may be washed out by fingerprints of soullessness.