Leonard Cohen’s Immutable Law of Business #3 – Illustrated

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Leonard Cohen’s Immutable Law of Business #3: There’s nothing you can do behind your desk that can’t be more effectively accomplished with a beautiful, long-haired, chain-smoking woman lying naked next to you in bed.

 I’ve previously posted both Leonard Cohen’s Seven Immutable Laws of Business1 (the article from which Law #3 is drawn) and the above photo2 but only today realized  how serendipitously they fit together.

Note: Originally posted Oct 20, 2013 at 1HeckOfAGuy.com, a predecessor of Cohencentric

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  1. Leonard Cohen’s Seven Immutable Laws Of Business By Ken Krimstein. McSweeney’s: Oct 21, 2005 []
  2. From Various Positions by Ira Nadel []

Humor: Leonard Cohen’s Seven Immutable Laws of Business

3. There’s nothing you can do behind your desk that can’t be more effectively accomplished with a beautiful, long-haired, chain-smoking woman lying naked next to you in bed.

That’s one of Leonard Cohen’s Seven Immutable Laws of Business by Ken Krimstein (McSweeney’s: October 21, 2005).  The entire list is worth reading at the link.

Note: Originally posted Jan 16, 2007 at 1HeckOfAGuy.com, a predecessor of Cohencentric

Leonard Cohen’s Yelp Reviews

Leonard Cohen’s Yelp Reviews, a parody of Yelp reviews ostensibly written by the Canadian singer-songwriter, is a clever enough idea that triggers its share of chuckles, but the product might have been more effective had it been executed with in a style less at odds with Cohen’s gravitas and tone (of course, anyone who could emulate Cohen’s sensibilities and wordcraft would be better advised to churn out songs and poems rather than humorous posts) if the humor relied less, for example, on references to bedbugs causing perineal rashes. than on allusions to Cohen’s work and life.

To illustrate my contention, I offer a comparison.  The following sample is from the original piece

Below is my own 5 AM quickie improvisation on the same theme:

Chelsea Hotel
Note: This is actually my Chelsea Hotel Review #2, a revised version of the first iteration.

The Chelsea Hotel has earned its reputation as the residence of choice for poets trying to make it as folk/rock singers in the Big Apple. Service, however, is at best casual, as evidenced by my room’s unmade bed the night I managed to hook up with a female singer whose name you would recognize if I told you it was Janis Joplin – oh, drat, I’ve let the cat out the bag; well, now, everybody knows. Anyway, if you’re the Bob Dylan, Patti Smith, Charles Bukowski, Jack Kerouac sort of artist in the existential angst phase of your career, the Chelsea is the place to be. If you have already achieved iconic status, you may well be happier with your own place in, say, central Los Angeles or even staying in a cabin on Mount Baldy.

Well, I think it’s funnier my way; your mileage may vary.

Note: Originally posted Apr 19, 2012 at DrHGuy.com, a predecessor of Cohencentric

Video: Leonard Cohen Cuteness Claim Contested

Leonard Cohen’s Stages Of Man’s Allure To Women

While audiences have enthusiastically applauded Leonard Cohen’s latest addition to his “Tower Of Song” introduction, Six Stages Of Man’s Allure To Women, his fans, especially his female admirers, have protested his assertion that he has passed through the first five stages to arrive at Stage 6: Cute.1

Consequently, the The Leonard Cohen Corrections Agency was called in on the case.

The Leonard Cohen Corrections Agency

The Leonard Cohen Corrections Agency is a privately-funded organization dedicated to the rectification of inaccuracies promulgated by Leonard Cohen, no small task given the Canadian singer-songwriter’s admission that “I don’t want to let the facts get in the way of the truth.”2

An investigation ensued and a verdict rendered.

Video: A Respectful Dissent To Leonard Cohen’s Six Stages Of Man’s Allure To Women

Video by Allan Showalter

Other Leonard Cohen Corrections Agency Posts

Note: Originally posted Dec 9, 2013 at 1HeckOfAGuy.com, a predecessor of Cohencentric
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  1. The Six Stages follow:

    1. Irresistible2. Resistible
    3. Transparent
    4. Invisible
    5. Repulsive
    6. Cute []

  2. See Leonard Cohen Tells Sexologist About His Dog, His Mother, His Impermanence, Seduction, Men As Cocker Spaniels, and Rules Between Men & Women []

Photos That Should Have Been: Leonard Cohen Visits Set Of Fraggle Rock 1983

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Cohencentric’s Leonard Cohen Fake Photos Encore: Many of my Leonard Cohen fake photos are showing up on Facebook, Tumblr, and other online platforms, often without attribution or explanation, leading to me being accused, in absentia, of misleading viewers. I’m republishing some of these images – along with the posts with which they were associated. This post was first published at Cohencentric on Jan 25, 2015 and on Nov 6, 2014 at DrHGuy.com, a predecessor of Cohencentric. Note the title, “Photos That Should Have Been,” and the subtitle “Real Event – Fake Photo,” identify this as a fake.

Real Event – Fake Photo

Excerpt from Leonard Cohen – I’m Your Man by Sylvie Simmons:

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Video: Leonard Cohen’s Day Job [Auto Mechanic] By Austin Lounge Lizards

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Cohencentric’s Leonard Cohen Fake Photos Encore: Many of my Leonard Cohen fake photos are showing up on Facebook, Tumblr, and other online platforms, often without attribution or explanation, leading to me being accused, in absentia, of misleading viewers. I’m republishing some of these images – along with the posts with which they were associated. This post was first published on Cohencentric on Sep 7, 2015 and on January 20, 2009 at 1HeckOfAGuy.com, a predecessor of Cohencentric

The photo of Leonard Cohen working on a car featured in Next – The Leonard Cohen Popular Mechanics Album? called to mind the above image I created and first published at 1HeckOfAGuy.com on January 20, 2009 as an illustration for “Leonard Cohen’s Day Job,” a parody song by the Austin Lounge Lizards, the humor of which obtains primarily from its interweaving of Cohen’s titles and phrases into a story line that has Leonard Cohen working as an auto mechanic.