Today’s text is from Leonard Cohen’s Hallelujah:
Maybe there’s a God above
But all I’ve ever learned from love
Was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you
Originally posted Oct 25, 2012 at 1HeckOfAGuy.com, a predecessor of Cohencentric
Everybody knows that the dice are loaded
Everybody rolls with their fingers crossed
From “Everybody Knows”
By Leonard Cohen1
A mid-level manager at a regional advertising agency, whose child has now been returned to him safe and sound, has revealed the special marketing campaign submitted for the 2009 Leonard Cohen Las Vegas concert.
The theme, touted in the marketing memos as “classic, classy cabaret,” is apparent in the alterations made in the portion of the show featuring “The Sublime Webb Sisters” – who will be presented at the Las Vegas gig as “The Sublime Webb Mistresses.” The tentative script for Leonard’s introduction of them begins, “Confuse them with the Sisters Of Mercy at your own risk … ”
Their customized for Vegas version of “If It Be Your Will” – renamed for the occasion “That’s ‘If It Be Our Will,’ Biatch” – will be the first performance of that song to feature handcuffs, a variety of leather implements, battery cables, and a volunteer from the audience.2
Even more thematically indicative, however, is this rough cut of the TV ad being produced to promote the World Tour Las Vegas concert.
Leonard Cohen – Las Vegas Concert Ad
Originally posted Sept 1, 2009 at 1HeckOfAGuy.com, a predecessor of Cohencentric
On Feb 28, 2013, or, as the folks at CBC Music apparently call it, “the last day of Love Month,” the CBC Music blog posted their wacky take on online dating: From Leonard Cohen to Carly Rae Jepsen: Canadian musician dating profiles. Of course, DrHGuy is primarily interested in the profile (displayed above) of the Master Of Romantic Despair, the Poet Laureate Of Commitophobes, the Bard Of Bedsits – Mr Leonard Cohen:
Hmmm. The CBC offering is – well, it’s certainly – oh, let’s go with it’s certainly something.
Of course it’s easy to criticize.
But, ya know what?
It’s fun, too.
Now, I suspect some of you are thinking, Well Mr Smarty Pants, think you could you do any better?
First of all, that’s Dr Smarty Pants. And second, heck, yes, I could I write something funnier.
But I’m not wasting a Leonard Cohen knee-slapper on a response when I could build a complete post around it – unless the CBC wants to make it worth my while (I’m thinking of something along the lines of Leonard Cohen Humor Match Play with an impressively large cash prize going to the winner).
On the other hand, I had almost three minutes before it was time to begin my workout so I threw together a Leonard Cohen dating profile using the CBC’s template. While not a trigger for hilarity, I maintain that my quickie effort is sufficiently wry – at least to any knowledgeable Leonard Cohen fan – to convincingly demonstrate a clear superiority to the original.
Note: Originally posted March 1, 2013 at DrHGuy.com, a predecessor of Cohencentric
The 2008-2010 Leonard Cohen World Tour concerts have repeatedly been associated with acclamations of religious experiences, cosmic significance, and mystic ecstasy. In short, Leonard Cohen has (deservedly) been immersed in respectful adoration and is now treated with a degree of genuine reverence unmatched by any living pop music artist.
Ongoing readers know what that means.
Yep, it’s once again time for Cohencentric to rescue Leonard Cohen from his self-inflicted veneration overdose.
Now, DrHGuy does not go for the cheap laugh at the expense of others — unless it’s really, really funny.
In any case, the intent of this video is not ridicule; rather, the goal is furnishing a valid alternative to the current tsunami of hyper-reverence. After arduous and prolonged seconds of deliberation, the path became evident. Consequently, Cohencentric offers – as an antidote to all those recent reviews and videos portraying Leonard Cohen as a musical deity – a video presentation of Leonard Cohen As A Hunk1 (DrHGuy has been advised by usually reliable sources that many women consider Mr Cohen somewhat attractive).
The Ladies’ Man Keeps His Hat On
Soundtrack: You Can Leave Your Hat On by Randy Newman, performed by Etta James
Video by Allan Showalter
Note: Originally posted Aug 4, 2010 at 1HeckOfAGuy.com, a predecessor of Cohencentric
Leonard Cohen’s Immutable Law of Business #3: There’s nothing you can do behind your desk that can’t be more effectively accomplished with a beautiful, long-haired, chain-smoking woman lying naked next to you in bed.
I’ve previously posted both Leonard Cohen’s Seven Immutable Laws of Business1 (the article from which Law #3 is drawn) and the above photo2 but only today realized how serendipitously they fit together.
Note: Originally posted Oct 20, 2013 at 1HeckOfAGuy.com, a predecessor of Cohencentric
3. There’s nothing you can do behind your desk that can’t be more effectively accomplished with a beautiful, long-haired, chain-smoking woman lying naked next to you in bed.
That’s one of Leonard Cohen’s Seven Immutable Laws of Business by Ken Krimstein (McSweeney’s: October 21, 2005). The entire list is worth reading at the link.
Note: Originally posted Jan 16, 2007 at 1HeckOfAGuy.com, a predecessor of Cohencentric
Leonard Cohen’s Yelp Reviews, a parody of Yelp reviews ostensibly written by the Canadian singer-songwriter, is a clever enough idea that triggers its share of chuckles, but the product might have been more effective had it been executed with in a style less at odds with Cohen’s gravitas and tone (of course, anyone who could emulate Cohen’s sensibilities and wordcraft would be better advised to churn out songs and poems rather than humorous posts) if the humor relied less, for example, on references to bedbugs causing perineal rashes. than on allusions to Cohen’s work and life.
To illustrate my contention, I offer a comparison. The following sample is from the original piece
Below is my own 5 AM quickie improvisation on the same theme:
Note: This is actually my Chelsea Hotel Review #2, a revised version of the first iteration.
The Chelsea Hotel has earned its reputation as the residence of choice for poets trying to make it as folk/rock singers in the Big Apple. Service, however, is at best casual, as evidenced by my room’s unmade bed the night I managed to hook up with a female singer whose name you would recognize if I told you it was Janis Joplin – oh, drat, I’ve let the cat out the bag; well, now, everybody knows. Anyway, if you’re the Bob Dylan, Patti Smith, Charles Bukowski, Jack Kerouac sort of artist in the existential angst phase of your career, the Chelsea is the place to be. If you have already achieved iconic status, you may well be happier with your own place in, say, central Los Angeles or even staying in a cabin on Mount Baldy.
Well, I think it’s funnier my way; your mileage may vary.
Note: Originally posted Apr 19, 2012 at DrHGuy.com, a predecessor of Cohencentric
While audiences have enthusiastically applauded Leonard Cohen’s latest addition to his “Tower Of Song” introduction, Six Stages Of Man’s Allure To Women, his fans, especially his female admirers, have protested his assertion that he has passed through the first five stages to arrive at Stage 6: Cute.1
Consequently, the The Leonard Cohen Corrections Agency was called in on the case.
The Leonard Cohen Corrections Agency is a privately-funded organization dedicated to the rectification of inaccuracies promulgated by Leonard Cohen, no small task given the Canadian singer-songwriter’s admission that “I don’t want to let the facts get in the way of the truth.”2
An investigation ensued and a verdict rendered.
Video by Allan Showalter
Note: Originally posted Dec 9, 2013 at 1HeckOfAGuy.com, a predecessor of Cohencentric
1. Irresistible2. Resistible
6. Cute [↩]